Isn’t it funny that giving your newborn baby their first bath is one of the things you actually look forward to when you bring them home? Or at least their Grandma’s look forward to it! I know I was so freaked out for bath time with each baby I brought home (I have 3.) They come out so small and I was too chicken to do the first bath myself, that I let my mom give all of them! Anyhow, I bet you never thought as you were anxiously waiting for that belly button cord thing to fall off that one day you might DREAD bath time? There’s no way that bath time will one day become a chore—right? But keeping a toddler clean is harder than the Cleveland Browns winning a football game, for real.
But then sometimes it’s fun. With all the bath toys, bath activities and squeals of joy that come from your child during it—you easily and quickly start to develop a love/hate relationship with bath time. Here’s mine:
LOVE IT– it totally occupies my children. I can throw them in the bath tub with some bubbles and their bucket of bath toys and just sit on the bathroom floor and scroll my Facebook news feed, add to my imaginary Martha Stewart lifestyle on Pinterest, drink a cup of coffee—need I go on? Oh wait; I can do all those things uninterrupted, which is every mother’s dream. Plus, while I’m doing them I feel like a good mom because I’m cleaning my children. Every good mom cleans their kids. So far this is all WINS for me, so what could possibly go wrong?
HATE IT– SO MANY THINGS go wrong. Someone pulls the plug and the water silently drains while you don’t notice because the sounds of happy squeals drown it out. Until those sounds are cries of cold babies. Or someone starts eating bubbles, (that one may be unique to my own children though. I once read children inherit 80% of their mother’s IQ and that might explain a lot of my children’s behavior.) Or my own personal favorite: SOMEONE POOPS THE BATHTUB. Yep, nothing like having one of your kids ask “mommy what’s this?” and you look up from your facebook scroll to see them holding a turd that the other kid squeezed out. My son Cooper is a notorious Bathtub Pooping Terrorist; which leaves me to add “poop fishing” to my resume. Ugh.
LOVE IT– after the trauma of bath time is over and you have a clean baby to snuggle the bath time hate quickly disappears. Not because I like my kids but because they SMELL SO GOOD after a bath time. I mean a clean baby is the best smell on Earth. Why has no one coined this smell as a candle yet? Seriously, there’s ‘clean linen’ and ‘tootsie roll’ candles (eww btw) but not a ‘clean baby fresh out of the bath tub’ candle? You should see my poor children wiggle as I squeeze and bear hug them after they get their jammies on. I sniff them for as long as I can before they break loose. If that sounds crazy to you and you don’t agree with me that the smell of clean babies is heavenly, then I’m sorry but you are not human.
HATE IT– Unfortunately, my bum is accustomed to a cushy, plush couch and I can only sit on the cold, hard bathroom tiles for so long. (I’m a teacher so I can’t afford a bathroom with couches in it like the Kardashians.) So even though I love trolling my facebook and pinterest uninterrupted, I can only do it for so long before I’m sore and I’m ready to get up and bath time to be over. “Bath time is over, who wants to get out first?”—ten words that apparently break a toddler’s heart instantaneously. Crushes their souls in the deepest ways actually. I guess their little bodies were just made to swim in that tub for hours. HOURS. But my soul just can’t handle the amount of time they want to swim the bath tub. Like maybe mommy wants to take a bath tonight too? But of course, toddlers only think of themselves and seriously after spending 3 hours in the bathroom bathing them, I really don’t want to spend another 10 minutes bathing myself. My children’s bath time is literally making me a dirtier person, especially if you consider the poop fishing! Yep, once again I hate bath time.
Until tonight when I’m dieing to check my pinterest notifications… Come on kids let’s rub a dub—it’s bath time! Who doesn’t love bath time??